I’d Rather Live as if I’m Starring in a Movie.
Why not? Reality isn’t a breeze, it’s hard and sometimes the best way to deal with things is as if its all a part of one big beautiful cinematic experience. And in a way, isn’t that how people behave in a social settings every day? We fake it till we make it in politics, business, advertising..etc. What’s the harm in enduring hardships and perfecting your ability to form the right responses, reactions, and emotional expressions while you’re suffering?
I see none.
I don’t go to a conservatory anymore, so being excessive and expressive seems to attract more attention then usual. I’m also surrounded by people who are sincerely well-educated, cultural, confident, and eager to be successful in a seemingly harsh world. I admire their wisdom and appreciation for the world and all it has to offer, however; I miss the understanding and familiarity of those who share a similar passion for music and theatre. To be a member of the Secret Club of Performing Arts- oh, yes!!!- one must live the life of a performer, and to those who never have, it becomes nearly impossible to explain the personal, mental, and emotional strength one must have in order to endure and KEEP GOING.
I remember a specific conversation I had with a graduate student from SMU who was seemingly troubled about “the purpose of theatre” “what constitutes getting a major in performing”. The conversation was not quick, it was heated and passionate (mostly on my end. Because.. Hello. I’m starring in my own show and how dare you.))
I defended my love for the arts, but really, how do you defend something you love to a person who doesn’t believing in majoring in something you love to do or study?
My problem is, I’m obsessed with learning. I really am. It’s in every fiber of my being. I am one big fat huge nerd. And there is too much to discover in this world, I simply can’t ignore it. I love it ALL. So how does one figure out what to study?! I narrow it down to three things;
1. Philosophy
2. Culture- and all that they entail (language, religion, politics)
3. Performing Arts
Well, fortunately I found a place where all of these are possible. I was lucky that things worked out, considering all the circumstances and hardships that were thrown at me this summer. ALAS. I made it alive, and when I graduate I still plan on pursuing my passion for theatre-armed with the wisdom and understanding I have of the rest of the world. It’s not the conventional path, but it’s my path.
There is always an open door somewhere. Sometimes you just have to shrink down like Alice to find one that fits the key in your pocket.
